The reason for actually taking a day away from my computer keyboard may sound like a strange one, although they reckon people do things as a hobby that you could not possibly pay them enough to do as a job.

I shall be attending the Dubarry British Eventing Horse Trials, being held at Eland Lodge at Draycott-in-the-Clay, near Ashbourne in Derbyshire. Not competing, I hasten to add, nor as a spectator. Instead, I’ll be fence judging on the cross-country phase of the event.

Well, I did say it might sound like a slightly strange way to spend a Sunday, but each to their own.

It’s a very long time since I actually took part in any kind of equestrian event, but I still enjoy watching the combination of bravery and skill demanded by eventing at any level. And it’s very satisfying to know I’m one of the large number of small cogs that help the day run smoothly.

It’s a nice theory, anyway.

Safety First
The main reason you have fence judges for a cross-country event is for safety. We are there to ensure the course is clear of spectators when the next rider approaches our obstacle, and to be immediately on hand if anything goes awry.

The last time I was doing this, I managed to catch two loose horses who’d dumped their riders. One had been attempting the fence before, and one the fence after. We also ended up summoning the paramedics—always on stand-by at competitions like this—for a fallen rider, and making sure she was clear of the course as soon as it was decided she was OK to move.

Horse riding, it has to be said, is one of the most dangerous pastimes you can indulge in, along with skiing and motorcycling. What does it say about me that I’ve been known to do all three? (Not simultaneously.) Even with the advent of body armour and air jackets for riders these days, it’s still a risky thing to do. For those who haven’t come across one before, an air jacket looks like a waistcoat, but as soon as rider and horse are separated, an air canister triggers so it explodes into a very tight life jacket around the rider’s ribcage, and prevents the ribs being crushed in a rotational fall.

Direction and speed
The fence judges are also there, of course, to make sure that each competitor attempts the correct fence, takes the correct route if the obstacle has several parts, and doesn’t incur any penalties.

Because cross country fences, unlike show jumps, are semi-permanent obstacles, you cannot easily alter the size of them between classes, so there are often several fences of differing heights in the same spot. If the rider has walked the course beforehand, they should know which one they need to aim for. If they need a memory jogger, the fence numbers are colour-coded for each class. But there are plenty who still get it wrong.

Jumping the wrong fence, and not going back to correct the mistake by jumping the right one, results in elimination from the event.

To stop people galloping madly at big cross-country fences in an attempt to finish the course fastest, there is an optimum time. Most riders will try to get as close to this as possible. Going too fast will not only exhaust the horse, but for every second in excess of 15 seconds under the optimum time, the rider scores 0.4 penalties. The same penalties per second are scored for every second over the optimum time.

Refusals
By its nature, a cross-country course is a test of horse and rider. Often fences will be very narrow, and must be jumped between the flags. If the rider catches a flag with their foot, for instance, and knocks it over, it’s up to the fence judges to decide if a genuine attempt was made to jump the obstacle, or whether it should count as a run-out, scoring 20 penalties, and requiring the rider to re-present to the fence.

A second stop at the same obstacle scores 40 penalties. Three stops and you’re out, unless it’s a novice event, and then they tend to let you keep going, as long as you don’t hold up the competitors coming along behind you at timed intervals.

In the smaller and more novice classes, there can be a bit of dithering before a fence. This often happens where the landing side is much lower than the take-off side, or when jumping into water, if the horse isn’t very experienced.

Providing the horse doesn’t take a step back with any foot, and the rider doesn’t circle away, even jumping from a standstill may still result in a clear. It’s not to be recommended, though, and it will make it very difficult to meet that optimum time, which relies on a reasonable forward pace.

Of course, if we have the typical British weather—ie, downpour—it can make the ground fairly treacherous. Fortunately, many of Eland’s fences have all-weather take-off and landing areas, so even if it chucks it down, that’s one less thing to worry about.

At one time, cross-country fences were fixed timber, and hitting one had nasty results. These days, they have come up with frangible pins, which allow the fence to partially collapse—enough, hopefully, for the horse to recover its balance without incident.

So, think of me today, with whistle (for clearing a path), stopwatch (in case someone is held on the course, so we can time their stop and re-start delay), radio, and clipboard. I shall also have bug spray, sun cream, a rain jacket, and a folding chair.

For their part, Eland provides all their event volunteers with breakfast, a packed lunch, and supper at the end of the day, as well as flasks of tea and coffee, and—if it’s a fine day—even the occasional ice cream.

How have you been spending your Sunday?

This week’s Word of the Week is nudiustertian, meaning the day before yesterday. It comes from the Latin nudius tertius—today is the third day. Coined by Nathaniel Ward (1578-1652) in his work, The Simple Cobler of Aggawam in America of 1647.

Events
I was delighted to be interviewed this week by fellow crime author Dawn Brookes for her podcast series The All Things Books Show. Catch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/NFxEm4KHGaY.

You can read this blog, or comment, at Murder Is Everywhere

The post Take a Fence appeared first on Zoë Sharp: Author of the Charlie Fox series and the Lakes Thriller series..

We talked about my role as Toastrix at this year’s event, about the role of panel moderator, and explored my crime thriller portfolio, which (as well as a couple of standalone novels and a feast of short stories) comprises:

Charlie Fox Series
This features ex-Special Forces turned bodyguard, Charlie Fox—a prequel and thirteen titles to date. Charlie Fox is often likened to Jack Reacher, with a similar brand of high-octane action. Lee Child himself described Charlie Fox as “real, true, and authentic.”

Lakes Thriller Series
More recently, I have published the first two books in my new Lakes Thriller Series, featuring CSI Grace McColl and Detective Nick Weston. Described as “a remarkable combination of police procedural and psychological thriller“, the series is set in the beautiful English Lake District, a World Heritage Site, near to where I have my home.

Blake & Byron Series
He’s a career copper at a personal and professional crossroads. She’s a con artist who came up from the streets and has survived by her wits. What happens when their lives collide? Mind-blowing suspense thriller, The Last Time She Died, is the first in this brand-new thriller series.

The post High Octane Thrillers & Female Leads appeared first on Zoë Sharp: Author of the Charlie Fox series and the Lakes Thriller series..

During the event, I met Derbyshire author, Dawn Brookes, who told me that Lee Child’s comment, “If Jack Reacher were a woman, he would be my main character, Charlie Fox,” prompted her to do this enjoyable video interview for her YouTube show, High Octane Thrillers & Female Leads.

On Saturday evening, I attended the Gala Dinner where I was the official Toastmaster – or Toastrix. I was asked to deliver a five-minute speech prior to announcing the winners of the various Awards. I decided to theme it on language, and words, and the derivation of words. For all those of you who could not attend, here’s the gist of what I said on the night:

“Do you like the outfit? It’s the last word in Zoom-inspired lockdown chic. From the waist up, absolutely spiffing. From the waist down, who cares?

“It’s lovely to see so many of you face to face after all this time. And I support those of you who’ve chosen to remain masked. We are crime writers, after all.

“When Adrian first approached me about taking on this role for tonight, I was surprised to discover that this is the first time CrimeFest has ever had a female toastmaster. (And who knows, it may well yet be the last.)

He asked how I wanted to be referred to? Toastmistress made it sound like I was running a sub-Post Office, so I picked Toastrix.

“It brings to mind either a breakfast cereal of some kind, or a dominatrix. What, I wondered, is the male equivalent of that – perhaps a Dominator? Although, to me that’s a 1950s’ British motorcycle made by Norton.

“As a writer, I’ve always been fascinated by language and the derivation of words.

“Take the drinking of a toast to someone’s health, for instance. The word refers to dropping a piece of toasted or spiced bread into wine to soak up its acidity and improve the flavour. In The Merry Wives of Windsor, Falstaff calls for a quart of wine and says ‘put a toast in it.’ Over time, the toast has become the person honoured by the ritual, rather than the bread itself, although I understand that submerging the honouree in wine is now optional.

“The word sincere comes from sculpting in marble. If a sculptor made a mistake, they would fill in the error with wax. Thus, if a statue was finished with no imperfections, it was sin cere – without wax.

“The word clue comes from Greek mythology – from the story of Theseus, who was trapped in the labyrinth of Knossos to be eaten by the Minotaur. Theseus escaped using a ball or clew of thread, given to him by Ariadne. He used the thread to mark his path out, and thus a clue is now a form of guidance.

“Many words have shifted from their original meanings.

“Oracle entered the caves at Delphi and inhaled the vapours, it was said that she became ‘enthusiastic’, which meant inspired or possessed by a god, rather than simply rather keen.

“And decimation means removal of a tenth, traditionally a punishment among disgraced Roman soldiers. Every ten men would draw lots and whoever got the short straw, the others had to beat him to death. A bit severe for the Territorials.

“My pet hate is the word feisty, which comes from Middle English and is often applied to my female protagonists, but actually means either a small yappy dog, or flatulent. So, a small, yappy, farting, dog. Not quite the effect I was aiming for.

“There have been numerous incidences where major companies have come up with product name that don’t quite work in the countries in which they’re intending to market them.

“Hence, General Motors attempting to sell a car in South America called the Nova. ‘No va,’ in Spanish means ‘doesn’t go’. And probably best not to mention about Rolls Royce trying to sell the Silver Mist in Germany.

“I understand that if you sidle into a store in Australia and ask for Durex, you may be offered it by the roll, as Durex is the brand name for Sellotape over there.

My personal favourite was an energy drink I came across in Japan, a kind of Gatorade / Lucozade type of thing, designed to replace electrolytes lost during exercise. It was called Pocari Sweat. Sounds delightful.

Language is gendered, however much we might prefer it not to be, and the gendered versions of words can have very different connotations attached to them.

Take landlord versus landlady. A landlord sounds like someone who runs a pub, but somehow, you’re more likely to find a landlady running a boarding house on the seafront in Morecambe.

“A bachelor is a young blade with trendy apartment. But the word Spinster brings to mind knitting and cats.

“Over the last few days in Bristol, we’ve seen many hen parties and stag weekends why is it a stag do, but a hen night? I suppose because you could hardly have a doe do or a cock night.

“I leave you with this last thought on words and their gendered forms. If someone considered to be outstanding in their field has mastery over their subject, then perhaps the feminine version should be mystery?”

And the terrible jokes I used between announcement of the CrimeFest Awards:

“Just to keep things moving, I will be interspersing our guests with literary jokes worthy of the Christmas cracker.”

“An author enquires with a publisher about their terms of submission. I’m sorry,’ he’s told. “Novels of suspense we accept only via an agent. And spy novels only via a double-agent.”

“I went to Waterstone’s today because it was a third off all titles. I bought THE LION, THE WITCH…”

“How many crime writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.”

“Knock, knock”

“Who’s there?”

“To”

“To who?”

“It’s whom, actually…”

“Never leave alphabetti-spaghetti on the stove when you go out. It could spell disaster.”

“I bought my father a Kindle for Christmas. He still hasn’t finished it.”

“I’m reading a book at the moment about the world’s most secure bank vaults, but it’s really hard to get into.”

“I’ve just finished writing a thriller called I’M FEELING A CHILL FROM SOMEWHERE.

It’s just a first draft.”

“Never date an apostrophe. They’re so possessive.”

That’s all folks…

You can read this blog, or comment, at Murder Is Everywhere

The post CrimeFest Toastrix 2022 appeared first on Zoë Sharp: Author of the Charlie Fox series and the Lakes Thriller series..